Want to sleep better? Let your body go to find "maximum ah"

Sleep.

I've been thinking about the topic a lot over the past few weeks. First, because I'm in the middle of completing my Relax and Renew® (aka restorative yoga) certification with Judith Hanson Lasater and so all things relaxation are at the top of my mind.

Second, because I've been sick and spending a lot of time in bed. At times, falling into fitful, cough-interrupted dream states. At other times, staring at the wall, trying to figure out how another cobweb has formed since I dusted a few days ago, or why the paint seems to be less green above the dresser than it is to the right of the dresser. (Oh, the things we contemplate at 2 a.m.)

As I'm sure many of you have, I've done lots of reading on the topic — from investing in better mattresses and pillows and room-darkening curtains, to setting a "buffer time" between getting off the computer and resting my head on the pillow, to sleeping in 90-minute chunks based on brain cycle research.

All of these things can, and do help, but more recently I've been focusing on a process of physically letting go.

Let me explain.

In restorative yoga, we use lots of props — blankets, bolsters, bricks, eye pillows, etc. — to help the muscles in the body release. But we're not just looking to set the body upon the props and say "Presto! Relaxo!" Ideally, we have the time and space to shift and adjust and alter the props in order to get the student from saying, "Yeah, that's not bad," to "Oh, that feels pretty good," to "Ah."

The sigh of complete relaxation is the indicator that they've let go. The lack of desire to talk about it, or anything, anymore, speaks volumes. We help them find the "maximum ah" and then leave them alone.

After watching student after student get to this place, I've realized I want the same when I get into bed each night. No, I don't bring bolsters and bricks to bed with me, but many of the same concepts work.

Tonight when you get into bed, try these steps to find your "maximum ah" spot.

• Place your body in your favorite sleeping position, with your head on your pillow, if you use one. Get your blankets arranged just so.
• Now, close your eyes and scan your body. Do you feel as if you're "hovering" atop the mattress, versus sinking into the mattress? If so, take a deep breath in through your nose, and as you exhale through your mouth, feel your body drop down. Visualize the mattress holding you, as if it were a soft cup and you were warm water molding into its curves.
• Do the inhale/exhale process three times. Each time, extend your exhale. On breath two, release your shoulders down. On breath three, release your back and drop your tailbone. You may need to do this cycle a few times to really understand how much letting go is necessary for your system.
• Scan your body again. Does every part of you feel supported physically? Are you at "maximum ah" yet? If so, sleep well and text me in the morning to let me know how it went!
• If you don't feel "maximum ah," start scanning from the top of your head and work your way down. Does your neck feel supported? If no, scrunch up an edge of your pillow or your blanket and tuck it wherever you feel open space. Breathe into this new support. How do you feel now? If it's still lacking something, keep scrunching and shifting until you strike the balance you want.
• Are your wrists supported? I find that I tend to hang at least one arm at a weird angle when I go to sleep, which leaves my wrist propped awkwardly and really cranky in the morning. I've started stuffing some blanket under that wrist to ensure it feels held. (I also tuck the hand under a blanket because if our feet and hands are cold, it's harder to feel comfortable.)
• If you're a side sleeper, having a hefty pillow (or a warm dog) behind your back can give you an extra feeling of being contained and safe. Sometimes a pillow between the legs allows the knees to not rub on one another, which means the top leg can drop down farther into its own container of support.
• Check out your feet. Some people like feeling free to move them beneath the blankets; others (like myself) like to have heavy blankets tucked around the toes and ankles, keeping out any potential for cold air. Figure out what works best for you.

Remember you're seeking "maximum ah." That place where every inch of your body feels fully supported and, therefore, able to fully relax. Do what you need to do with what you have to get there.

Add in a splash of quiet and a dash of dark, let go and you'll feel the results ... in the morning.

Yoga and men

Having practiced yoga for nearly 20 years and taught for a little more than a year now, I think I can safely say that all-male, or even majority male, yoga classes are extremely rare. I don't think I've ever attended a weekly class with more than two or three men among the 10 to 20 women.

And when I teach, I occasionally have one guy among the students — usually a partner who's been wrangled into coming along with his female half.

Until last night.

"It's raining men," I joked with the center's owner.

The only woman who had registered didn't show and so as I took my teaching mat, I found myself the minority.

I took a deep breath as I always do. Asked my students to settle into a comfortable seated position, and began.

My teachings didn't change. My poetry readings didn't change. My cues didn't change. I tucked each of them in with blankets to warm their bodies, and covered their eyes with pillows to keep out the light. I watched their chests rise and fall as their breathing slowed, and I listened to them softly snore when sleep overtook them, as it often does during a restorative practice. (Nothing new for me — both women and men snore in my class.)

I was filled with my usual joy at seeing a group of individuals take time out of their regular schedule to rest and relax and restore.

While a lot of the "celebrity yogis" out there are men, I think yoga is still seen in America as primarily a woman's activity.

And while restorative yoga — with its emphasis on relaxation, relieving chronic stress, soothing of organs, enhancing of heart function, balancing of feminine and masculine energy, and generally just allowing us to let go and return to a natural state — is both accessible and beneficial for every body, it too attracts a female base.

I think this needs to change. Research around the benefits of yoga — physical, emotional and spiritual — continues to grow. One of my students last night, a former Army sergeant with the 4th Infantry Division, used his yoga practice to find sanctuary while overseas, surrounded by the atrocities of war.

Yoga can help you twist your limbs into all sorts of weird shapes, strengthen your muscles, and increase your balance.

But, to me, more importantly, yoga brings you in touch with your body. More aware of your thoughts. Better able to acknowledge and work with your emotions.

We all can benefit from that.

Hold, please

Questions about how to quiet the mind come up a lot in my life, often during my restorative yoga classes, but also in conversation with folks who know I keep a regular meditation practice.

I wrote some about the topic here, but last week I had an insight that still makes me chuckle.

During a recent meditation, I was using one technique I've learned for acknowledging the thoughts in my mind and letting them go.

It's the "thinking" method, which simply means that when you identify that you are having thoughts, say to yourself, "thinking." Feel the quiet that emerges after you say that word. Allow for the space to expand. Breathe into it.

And when thoughts arise again, as they always do, do it again.

"Thinking." Pause. Breathe. Relish.

I'd done this a few times already during this particular practice. Then all of a sudden an image came to mind. A very distinct picture of a 1950s switchboard operator. She was heavily done-up, from make-up to hair. Pencil skirt. Crisp white blouse. Comfortably seated in an office chair, chomping on a piece of gum and filing her nails.

When the board would buzz, she'd lift the receiver, say, "Hold, please," hang it up and go right back to filing her nails and smacking her gum.

Polite, but firm.

Somehow I knew she would get back to the caller(s), but on her terms, when she was ready.

Just like I wanted to do with my flittering mind. I didn't necessarily want to push the thoughts away, or forget them even. I just wanted them to ease. Come back later, if important.

So I thought I'd channel my inner switchboard operator. Instead of telling myself, "thinking," I said, "hold, please."

And ... it worked. As well as "thinking" ever had at least. But it did quiet things — and it made me grin.

Calm and joy? That's a win-win.

Current yoga class schedule

Updated April 2019

Thanks for wanting to know more about my classes. Currently I teach one weekly restorative yoga class on Thursdays from 5:30-6:45pm at Root: Center for Yoga and Sacred Studies, 617 N. 17th Street, on the second floor. For those of you familiar with the area, the studio is just west of Mountain Mama's.

You can learn more about and register for my classes, and other classes at Root, here.

Because restorative yoga is so prop-intensive (and it's important to me that everyone who attends be in support-heaven), I cap each class at 12 students.

If you have questions or you're interested in working with me one-on-one, pop me an email.

And if you'd like to know more about this style of yoga, here's a link to a description by the brilliant Judith Hanson Lasater.